JK - 7/11/16

Uncovering Reality.

Deception is enormous, and yet, compared to the eternal Truth, even the greatest of lies cannot outlast what Truly is real.

I've discovered many interesting sources of information lately.  I've watched and studied many different videos on youtube, from vastly different genres of humanity - though they all share a basic link in my own chain, tying me to a search for Truth and understanding.  I capitalize Truth because I am not seeking the truth of my own unique, experiential human perspective.

Knowing I AM, means I understand and acknowledge my humanity; my capacity for choice and my resulting affection for error and miscalculation.  My truth is not The Truth.  It is simply a chain of events, causes and effects which got this body to this moment while the mind got organized and really, Truly, came to it's senses.  And continues to do so.

There has been a trend in my life.  Perhaps here it makes sense to look at my experiences and memories less like a chain and more like a rope or muscle; something flexible and made of many smaller threads or strands.  This trend would be a spire or loop inside one of those threads.  It's about money and ownership.  Wanting, needing and having.  "Making more money" holds very little appeal to me, and yet I desire it because I wish to elevate my quality of life.

"Why must your quality of life depend upon having more money?", I ask myself.

"Because society is based upon money." I say.

"So what if I choose to leave society?"  I ask again, this time going one step deeper.

"You may die a painful death, helpless and alone in the wilderness."  I respond.  Then, I think a moment.

Would I rather die helpless and alone in the wilderness, ORRRRRR!!!!!!

In the upstairs bedroom of my parents house after a day of yoga, coffee, fixing the lights on my car, playing music, studying humanity and the keys to all infinite existence locked inside the human body waiting to be set free, facebooking, instagramming, drawing, teaching music, driving a car, and journaling on the internet in public to proclaim it all????

At this point, it would be the latter choice made presently as a more recurring reality than the former.  And yet, I dream of leaving society and dying the noble death in a daring and faithful effort to conquer the wildness IN me, by entering and facing the wildness which seemingly surrounds me.  And if I can conquer my own mind to believe only in the Truth and nothing else, how can I be programmed or conditioned to die at all?

"Yes!!  Why does it have to be a life or death situation, this choice you seek to make?  Can you not survive the wilderness and return a hero?"  Feels like classic Josh ego tripping.  I'm important, I'm gonna be successful.  I'm gonna make it.  

MAKE it??  What is it?  Is making it defined as NOT DYING???  Because that's what seems most appealing.  The tables turn again here.

"If all things have an opposite, and this is a Truth, then life needs death and IS death.  So, according to this Truth, if you are alive you are also dead.  That which you fear the most has already happens and continues happening every second you are also simultaneously alive."

"If I am alive AND dead, then perhaps these words are not properly describing what is happening!!!"

"Meaning...what?"

Meaning the words 'life' and 'death' might not be the actual words to describe those things...THESE things, which I have been taught to call "life and death".  They are sounds I learned as a child that are not actually able to encompass the nature or structure of reality as I now percieve it.  My reality is VASTLY larger than merely life and death.  I started hearing my feelings and senses inside, and sensing the feelings and thoughts of others as vibrations and frequencies inside me as well, rather than the actual words themselves.  So "death" is not that word, it is a vibrational state of being some have described experiencing in many different forms...JUST LIKE LIFE!!!  #opposites

What's the point, what's the point...WHAT IS THE POINT!?

What I have been conditioned to accept may not be a clear representation of The Truth of life and death/reality/consciousness...whatever.  I did a vow of silence for 27 days several years ago, and what I learned is that talking is a major waste of what we call time.  In fact, when speech is removed, explanation is somehow removed as well.  In effect, obligation and intimidation subside also.  A lot of people tried to make me talk, and failed.  When I remained silent, the things they said to me under the assumption that I "had to listen" because I "couldn't" talk (so stupid some people were!!), the things THEY said were sometimes shockingly emotional and real.  So my silence drew out a consciousness in others that was un-manifested just a few moments before.  Pretty cool, huh?

AND!

"Be conscious with your word." is the first agreement from D. M. R..  If I choose words which create a vibrational distortion in my psychic body/energy body, it means I am using my intellect to harm my own body with unconsciously poor frequencies, when instead, I could be bombarding myself with sonic beauty, bliss and the sound of love.  A wordless sound vibrating within me, a booming voice.  The more attention I give it, the louder it gets.

It shouts at me..."GO, you fool!!!  Leave society!!  These things, they aren't even people anymore.  All they believe is what they can own or speak about.  If history be at all true, and at this point I am willing to concede to perhaps NONE of it may be true but IF it is, than history claims to take all manner and form of reckless and unconscious civilization like this one you are in now and reduces it to ashes with war and disease and decay from within.  But YOU are not decaying, you are blossoming!!  You are seeking and actually finding reality."

And when I say reality, I mean the reality that is real on THEIR level too!  The reality of magnetism, electricity and math and science.  These things are usually restricted to "left brained people", which I feel are people who have not learned about the difference between truth and Truth, so they suffer in a distorted version of their own reality.  I feel the True reality, and am aching to somehow merge with it, more so than I already have by nature.  This is my "right brained" artistic, creative side.  (Every person is creative if they have reproductive organs or a pumping heart, because both are symbols of self-guided generative energy, which is creation.)  My imagination feels there is somehow "more to it".  And there is!!!  But there also isn't.

The point.  What is the point?  "Can you keep it simple??"  :-)

The point is, it is not easy to see past all my own fear and conditioning and follow the booming voice within.  Times like this, I do go back and forth a lot because I weigh many factors into the decision to abandon my life as I know it and go totally off the beaten path.  Family, friends, creature comforts.  Like, I fear being dirty out walking the world alone but why wouldn't I ever get to shower again, and have to end up like some long-nailed, stale-chips-in-my-beard, wandering hippie nomad that dies impoverished, isolated and alone; totally disconnected from my family and friends??

That's only one, very detailed and dark possible outcome.  What if, on the other hand, I find a fuller life and True freedom??  The safety of being free of wondering what it would be like, and making it to that moment when I know I have maybe one or two moments left to drink this reality in, from this body, in this way, and know I have done everything there is to do in this life; all that I was called to and inspired to endure.  Then, what is life if not the embrace of the unknown, or faith?  Why live at all, if not to die living the life that means the most?  What could weigh on a heart so bold and fierce as to leave it all behind in that last moment and go in peace; to want for nothing because all there is and ever was or will be, is safety, Truth and love.

Then, no words are necessary because nothing can describe a feeling of peace.  Nothing can describe satisfaction.  It is a fullness beyond description, and yet a person who knows pure fullness can be perceived as different by those around them.  That person seems to be somehow more content than others; not trying at all; authentic.  They have become naturally magnetic, because they are not concerned with anything less than beauty.  They live a life so meaningful, so blessed and bound to the eternal presence of Truth that it has forgotten any feeling or vocabulary of fear and desire.

Is this a fantasy or an illusion?  Is it real or impossible?  What are the chances hollywood has wrecked my brain and the men in black are watching and waiting to pounce me for even studying all this esoteric mumbo jumbo?  (Again, ego mind telling me I'm so important or noticeable that I should be watched by a secret organization.)

But that's for a different blog post all together.  Wow!!  That all tumbled out of me, and I can't quite tell if I stayed on track because these feelings and realizations happen on so many levels energetically nowadays that it proves my point about the words not doing them any kind of justice.  It's a testament to great teachers who can take complex ideas and explain them simply and gracefully.  One day I may be a great teacher...for now though, I'm still workin' on it my studentship.

- J

CL - 7/7 "Freedom: Confidence in Action"

For a year long, I pondered Freedom.  And self-worth. And why abundance evaded me. And why I was stuck in the same hamster wheel for so many years. It took me all that time to realize that financial freedom had nothing to do with money, and everything to do with what is on the inside.  It took me a whole entire year to get to the point where I realized I had to do something different, and be confident about it. To feel like I could do something. To feel ready to take a step, even if it was a baby one. This was coined, "Confidence in action." 

I realized the "doing" isnt really about doing but about being mindful.  It's about our thoughts. And changing them.  Shifting our focus. And it took me that full year of complaining and flailing and going up, up, up super high then down, down, down, again to come to where I am today with enough contrasting experience and knowledge to reinforce what I have apparently known for years (yes, I found a blog I wrote years ago about these concepts... which was eye-opening, slightly alarming). 

I suppose I just wasn't ready to apply the knowledge yet to my actual experience. I was completely wrapped up in self-limiting beliefs and ceilings to ever step outside that comfort zone... though I thought I was. It's funny, looking back, how we think we know so much and do so much and have changed so much. And yes, we have. But then...another year passes.  Another 5 years pass. And we are catapulted even further into a world we didnt even know existed. We can't see what we are not yet ready for. And so we move through life, in stages.  The actual journey "there" is the living part.  The delicious part. The part we often overlook and try to jump over but the only part that really matters and exists. 

Once we get "there," there is someplace else we already want to be and have our eyes set on. So, we must revel in the Now. And implement what we know now. And push our boundaries now.  Not when we know more, not tomorrow, or the next day. Or next year. 

Easier said than done.  As I mentioned, it took me a year to really muster up the courage to be ready to finally take confident action steps towards the life of my desires. And to feel like I deserve that life. 

Confidence in action.  This is when you become aligned, vibrationally, with your Higher Self and Source energy.  And you can now take action steps that will bring you to your expanded Self.  Remember, you already are all you wish to be.  You just havent realized it yet.  As you take action steps confidently towards that which you desire, you grow and expand to meet that bigger version of yourself. And that feels good.  When you shrink away, that feels bad. 

Nothing means anything until you decide in your thoughts that it does. Or doesn't. 

So, are you willing to decide to take confident action steps today in alignment with all that you are? To feel good? To enjoy the moments as they happen? 

It may take me another year to understand this Confidence in action thing. And I am pretty certain Ill have my share of flails and ups and downs, again. Because that's how I roll. But I welcome the journey and the process as part of my life unfolding beautifully for me.  And I will try to really appreciate the learning and expanding and the rich experiences and contrast I came here to live and love. 

Today's Affirmation: I will continue to embody Confidence in action, building up momentum to (invite) the main event.

CL - 6/5/16 "(Self-Imposed) Pressure"

*Listen to a quick Audio Blog that goes into more detail on this topic by clicking here.  

What's with the pressure we put on ourselves? To "be:" 

Perfect. Skinny. Muscular. Smart. Silly. Funny. Flawless. Easy going. Less emotional. More emotional.  Curvy. Accomplished. Younger. Older. Different. The same. More this. More that. Less of this. Less of that. 

Wow. Exhausting.

In my recent book, in a chapter called "Omissions: The Beginning of the End,"  I wrote: "How can we shine if we are so busy pulling the light away from a very real part of ourselves?"

The more time and energy spent being something other than we are, "chasing the carrot" (see chapter "The Potential vs. The Person" for an explanation of this concept) so to speak, the less energy we have to experience our brilliance and feel life around us as it is happening.

We put an incredible amount of (unnecessary) pressure on ourselves, (and others because it's a direct reflection of how we feel inside) thereby leaving the present moment and hurrying into future worries and doubts and voids and holes.  Or sinking into the past, holding shame and regret and fear and lack. But, it does us no good to berate ourselves. To wish we were more. To want more or less in our lives so much that it drives us out of our seat of awareness and into an illusory world. Nothing can be gained from this form of self destruction.  It only limits us, dulls our light and keeps us very small.

Accept yourself. Forgive yourself. Live your life, feeling all the senses: touch it, taste it, hear it, see it and smell it. Soak it all in and revel in the beauty of yourself and your life. The magnificence of it all.

Be here Now.

Awaken to your life.

CL - 5/4/16 "Rain & Rebirth"

The thunder claps. The rain falls. The old, loose pieces wash away. And so the landscape is reborn. 

In reiki, rain is considered blessed. "Let the blessings rain on us all." The rain brings life. And bounty. Abundance. 

Tears fall, washing away what no longer serves. Leaving behind strength and clarity. 

CL - 5/2/16 #JustTrust

We may never understand all of life, but trusting that each event is as it should be is helpful. And all you can do. Stay strong in your vision of what you want for yourself and live with intention and action to become that. Everything will unfold naturally and easily. Now is all you have. It's all anyone has. The next moment is unpredictable and never promised to us in these bodies.

#justtrust

Excerpt taken from TRLE. 

JK - 5/1

7:48am, Westport, CT.

"I didn't wake up wanting to run out into the world, because I felt I would always be alone wherever I went.  Might as well just lie in bed, take two shits and journal to myself."

In bed, saying thank you for taking shits.  Expelling waste is essential as a human.  If we do not get rid of all the junk we build up on the inside from eating, drinking, traveling, BREATHING, loving, hating, caring...our systems will get clogged and essentially poison us from the inside out.

Thank you for plumbing, waste management experts and clean running water.  Roads, cars and engineering...Thank you for systems.  The system of the body, our finest universal measuring stick, and such a marvel of machinery.  Thank you body.

Fingers, face and lips.  Eyelids so I can go dark and conceal the external, reveal the internal.  Thank you ears, I love music and the sound of someone's voice.  Thanks to whoever discovered coffee, and the Keurig people.

Ugh, such a life.  I ask that my self and the radical music setup I have now be transported to a place, anywhere on Earth, where it will serve the people.  May it inspire them to discover their senses and say thank you for music, learning, taking shits and drinking coffee.  Maybe they already have it in many of the places I imagine going - like NOT America.

(Americans need healing just as much as anyone else.)

Everyone wants to heal.  Everyone has waste to expel.  Who EVER got it perfect and didn't have to "work it out", as we commonly say?  And notice how the phrase "working it out" implies taking what is or has entered into us and applying our will and effort to move it outside of our self; be it body, mind or spirit self which channels the movement.

Deep thoughts.  I tell myself I can avoid thinking deeply and live a simple life.  Then I think deeply about simplicity.

My joints ache a bit today.  It's cold outside and I will do some yoga and movement now to generate heat and feel more alive.  Screens are dull.  Handstands and twists are fun.

Thanks computer, thanks internet.  Thanks reader.

Aho.  Namaste.  Word up!  

CL - 4/26/16 "One Day at a Time"

I was photographing my "inspipic" for the day when one of the notes practically threw itself onto the floor, out of the folder I store them in. I figured this was more than a coincidence.

The note said, "One day at a time." 

Ha. So simple. And just what I needed to hear. Just a moment earlier, I was using my thoughts to dream up what could be for the future. I was questioning the reason behind my life and the situations presenting themselves. I was wondering what was to come in the near future. I've trained myself not to participate in this for the most part but I was indeed letting my imagination play this time. And my fears. 

When we are worrying about the past or future, we are not present. We leave the Now, and enter the world of illusion. 

Worry is resistance. So not only are we missing out on the beauty in the moment, but we are using our energy to create more of what we don't want, to push away what we do want. 

This very simple reminder, one day at a time, is so powerful. Stay in the moment. Live fully in each moment. Package up worry and fear and rest it aside. Use that energy to enhance your experience in the Now. 

Allow yourself to be here. Now. And only Now. Because that's all there ever is. 

Xo