CL - 4/30/16 "Honeymooning"

It can be really difficult to see past what is. Even more difficult may be to shift our focus off of what is. We can get so stuck in our situations we have a hard time seeing out, seeing solutions or different circumstances. We can have difficulty seeing people differently. We often forget the beauty around us, all the miracles, as we get "stuck in the mud" so to speak. End up in a rut. Become overwhelmed. Bored. Feel helpless against challenges. Etc. 

We often forget we are held by the unseen. That we are not limited by what we perceive now. That we are magical creators. 

It's one thing to know information. It's another to execute and practice that which you "know" in theory. 

Using the honeymoon period of a relationship as an example, we are so focused upon what's good about our partner and the connection that we are overjoyed. It isn't until we shift our focus onto the unwanted that our experience changes. Arguments begin. And the color and tone changes dramatically on both ends. Remember, “The people in your life will always give you exactly what you expect. No exceptions.” (Esther Hicks, Abraham)

As humans, we forget how powerful we really are. We have amnesia and totally miss what's really happening right in front of us. As our story changes, and our beliefs about our thoughts, our experiences change. 

Continuing with the example I used, if we could go back to that mindframe of appreciation and discovery and excitement and love, we can rebirth and renew our relationships and our experiences. You were not blinded by love during the honeymoon phase. You were actually able to see.  You were allowing yourself to create and share a beautiful experience that was aligned and felt good. It wasnt until fear and the ego kicked in and you started to judge and create stories that something changed. Maybe you fell back into old patterns or self limiting beliefs.  Regardless of what occurred and was real for you, at the time, all that really changed was a shift in your perception and focus and language.

We have the ability in every moment to choose to focus on the good and to feel good and to create a honeymoon for ourselves and experience that in all areas of our life every day.

Pull your focus, not your love. 

Let this be a reminder for you today that you can shift your focus onto the "bright side" and experience that instead of focusing on what you feel is right in front of you or limiting you. 

Remember you are a magnet. Focus on the good. Feel good. Bring in more good. Repeat.  

Happy Saturday, friends. 

Xo

CL - 4/29/16 "Death"

I used to contemplate death often. The closest I ever came to a panic attack in my lifetime was one night when I questioned what it would feel like being in the moment of my death. My legs started to tingle and breathing became heavy. My stomach tickled with nausea and my chest felt like it weighed a ton as it labored up and down. 

Since having my daughters, I haven't driven myself crazy with the nuances of what death may look or feel like. But it's no surprise I used to often use the phrase, "tomorrow is never a promise. Live full today." I carried it with me all these years. 

We can still embody that principle without sending ourselves into fight or flight. We can live full today. Everyday. 

And what does that mean exactly? 

Very simply, living fully means being present in every moment. That's the best we can ever do. Experience each moment. Appreciate each moment. As though it's our first. Or last. Take full advantage of all the tastes, smells, feelings, sights and sounds. Slow down enough to savor it all. 

Complete mindfulness. Total gratitude. Unconditional love for all that is. And isn't. 

I encourage you. Be mindful. And...Live full today. Everyday. 

JK - 4/23

Softness.

It's a been a theme in yoga classes and in my emotional sphere of awareness; to soften into changes.  To soften into poses.  To soften around what is.

What is...softness?  Like, when we ask "What is freedom?", there are qualities or attributes we use to identify and define things.  We categorize and classify them so we know how to identify them when they show up for us.  Because identity is pretty huge for human beings, at least right now.

So what is softness to me?  What is freedom to me?  I do not know who you are, so I can only speak for myself and hope some of what I feel resonates or aligns with you.  These are not generalizations, they are statements of my own experience.

Softness is gentle, calm and slow.  It is tender, forgiving and very humble.  It sees but does not glare, and it holds but does not grip.  It is space, content with being empty; not needing to be "full" of any thing.  It is the thing it is full of and therefore, authentic and content.

Freedom is the space and boundaries.  It is a state where limits are not constricting, and eternal universes of endless, beginningless possibilities are neither overwhelming or elusive...like too much space can often be.  Freedom is not the absence of direction, but all direction and no direction.  It is the painting, and the canvas.  The painter is free to paint what he wishes, and accepts the painting has borders and exists within a set space.

Ponder this, whoever you are.  What does softness mean to you?  What does freedom mean, to you?

How soft is your freedom?  How free is your softness?  What qualities do you embody when you feel soft and free?  What pulls you out of that embodiment, consciously or unconsciously, and what centers you back, consciously or unconsciously?

Exploration.  It's what's in fashion here at the Free4Four!!!!


...health, kindness, space, belief, hope, care, compassion, trust...

CL - 4/23/16 "Desire Overload"

Photo by NORDES on Behance

I spent part of the morning scrolling through Pinterest, falling in absolute love with "industrial rustic" design homes and European cottages.  I began to slip away into visions and dreams of expansive warehouse homes, remodeled to be absolutely perfect for my unique family, mixed with a secret garden-esque landscape and beach cottage feel.  Silver industrial vases laced with bouquets of white fragrant flowers.  A bathroom full of reclaimed wood, metal and a shower wall that says, "You look fine." (Yes, I saw this on Pinterest and find it absolutely fabulous as an affirmation and for fun) 

But, I didnt stop there.  After my two older girls left for the day to spend time with their Dad(s), I was nursing the baby, watching reality TV (I generally watch under an hour of TV a week).  I began to wander off into the "perfect" relationship and partnership, vacations, careers... I was excited but something began shifting.

Slowly, gradually, I began to get carried away with my thoughts and began to feel "lack." I wanted to jump into the future so I could have all these "things" and "situations" and for my life to look a different way than it does now.  

There is just so much variety.  So much to experience.  I think we often get caught up in what I call "desire overload." It's so hard to choose when we have so many options.  I think we experience this with every area of our lives, including choosing partners.  I think that maybe we jump ship too quickly, anticipating that there is much more variety out there to pick from.  We cherry pick.  We hop from one thing to the next, looking for the best.  We don't want to miss a thing! We feel torn between all the choices, and have a difficult time committing to just one something or someone...to accepting all that is, as it is.  We are rarely present, as we anticipate what's to come, how to change what is, get what we want, etc.   We trade in the beauty of the Now for the possiblities of the future.

I've been doing a ton of thought-work lately.  Taking full ownership of my experience(s) and catching myself as I begin to fall backwards.  Today was no different, and I realized this was just another chance to learn about myself. But more importantly, this was a chance to choose something different.  Normally, I would fall back into a depressed state, feeling like I was missing out on all these "things" and situations I wanted but didn't have.  I would become resentful or sad, feeling voids and feeling sorry for myself and my children. Maybe starting to feel shame, or taking ownership of others' experiences like my - err - boyfriend / baby Daddy (I dont really know what to call him and don't like those words but so be it for now). 

Anyway, today, I realized that something was different.  I was borderline sad, but also felt sort of appreciative.  Which was confusing for me.  It was then that I realized we are conditioned and programmed to have a "lack" mentality.  Always acting like donkeys chasing the carrot (I use this analogy and explain it in my book). I began to peel back the layers of lack that I was conditioned to feel, societal pressures, and underneath it was an overwhelming sense of joy, gratitude and love. I was shocked.  There is nothing missing in my life. And I am generally appreciative of all that is, as it is, right Now.  This was a very pleasant surprise.  Very grounding, and brought me back to the present moment.  I am grateful for what I get to experience, and when, where and how I do it. Yes, there is so much variety in life that we will never be able to (or want to) taste it all in our lifetimes.  But, the experiences we do have are profound and memorable and unique and to be cherished.  They're all ours.  And we can experience them fully in each moment. And we can appreciate it all if we so choose.

I came to learn that life is like a maze.  No matter which way you go, which turn you make, you end up at the same wall that boldly displays the same message: You get to choose. Everything is always up to you to decide.  How to experience life.  If youre going to be happy or sad or living lack or gratitude or what.  It's never what shows up externally. It's what comes up internally and what we decide to make of it.  Today was another glaring example for me of the power of our thoughts and mindset. And how it's all up to us. Always.  And in every moment, we get to choose, again. We are never stuck. Never hopeless. Life begins every second that passes!

I acknowledged today, that yes, I love variety and change. But I also love my life just how it is today, right Now. And I feel so blessed for the variety and contrast I get to live in my very unique situation (it's no surprise I like variety and change, if you take a look at my life and the dynamics of it, it's very obvious I'm not norm-seeking, conformist folk). 

(Shaking my head) 

Life is just so beautiful and chock-full of goodness. 

Go out today and enjoy your experience(s).  And remember: You (always) get to choose. Catch yourself when you begin to slip into lack, knowing that lack is just a perception and not a reality. As simply as you could make a case for lack, or not having enough, you can make a case for being full and having everything you need! You can have any perception you like that serves you. Including an attitude of gratitude and a sense of joy and love in everyday moments...and life. 

Make it a good one.

JK - 4/22

...and there is something spiritual in the commonest duties of life. 

The nations are not bodies-politic alone, but also souls-politic; and woe to that people which, seeking the material only, forgets that it has a soul. Then we have a race, petrified in dogma, which presupposes the absence of a soul and the presence only of memory and instinct, or demoralized by lucre. Such a nature can never lead civilization. 

Genuflexion before the idol or the dollar atrophies the muscle which walks and the will which moves. Hieratic or mercantile absorption diminishes the radiance of a people, lowers its horizon by lowering its level, and deprives it of that understanding of the universal aim, at the same time human and divine, which makes the missionary nations. 

A free people, forgetting that it has a soul to be cared for, devotes all its energies to its material advancement. If it makes war, it is to subserve its commercial interests. The citizens copy after the State, and regard wealth, pomp, and luxury as the great goods of life. Such a nation creates wealth rapidly, and distributes it badly. Thence the two extremes, of monstrous opulence and monstrous misery; all the enjoyment to a few, all the privations to the rest, that is to say, to the people; Privilege, Exception, Monopoly, Feudality, springing up from Labor itself: a false and dangerous situation, which, making Labor a blinded and chained Cyclops, in the mine, at the forge, in the workshop, at the loom, in the field, over poisonous fumes, in miasmatic cells, in unventilated factories, founds public power upon private misery, and plants the greatness of the State in the suffering of the individual. 

It is a greatness ill constituted, in which all the material elements are combined, and into which no moral element enters. If a people, like a star, has the right of eclipse, the light ought to return. 

The eclipse should not degenerate into night.

Albert Pike, (an excerpt from 'Morals and Dogma')

CL - 4/22/16 "What would I be without...?"

I am so very aware of the consequences of the culmination of energy and thought. And how the more powerful the emotion and thought and belief is, and therefore the energy going towards something, the more you invite in what you're expressing. 

As I am sure any parent can relate to, I was having "one of those" mornings. And I'm quite certain I created it by allowing my emotions and thoughts to slip away with my sleep. 

I "woke up," (this is in quotes because I wake up about 100x a night and this week or two in particular the babies seem to be going backwards and sleeping less) exhausted and overwhelmed, trying to get the two babies back to sleep. Unsuccessful, I took my toddler downstairs, followed by my first grader. Time check: 6 AM. I had this feeling like I better change my tune swiftly but I just couldn't do it. I hung my head low, falling into my exhaustion. And it began. 

"Mommy...." "I need this," and "I need that." "Help" with this. And that. Make breakfast. Nurse the baby. Clean up toys. Switch laundry. Dress up for school (of course it's a special occasion dress up day!). Find coordinating costume accessories in the playroom. Oops. That one broke. Find another. Pack lunch and snack. There was not a pause or silence for more than half a minute before the next child wanted something else. "Mommmmmmmy."

(Parents: You've been there, no? Countless times?) 

Feeling very much like a slave, I continued to slip into defeat. The next two and a half hours before the bus came were filled with chaos and more overwhelm: My landlord came out just ten seconds before I got the dogs in and so I had to wrangle two 80-pound-plus barking dogs into the house. They scared the baby who began screaming. Then I noticed she shit her diaper and it leaked all the way up to her neck. Yes. Her neck! I'm trying to clean her, the toddler is calling me and fighting with my first grader who is now asking for help finding costume accessories as she's dumping all the bins in the playroom on the floor and leaving a huge mess. I manage to sneak away for just long enough to pee and of course, I get my period!  

And so it went on this way, "nonstop" and crazy until this moment.  Time check: 9 AM. I did more than struggle to wrangle the dogs this morning. I battled it out with my thoughts, too. And more importantly, my beliefs about those things and the feelings it invoked. If you noticed, "nonstop" was in quotation marks.  When I came downstairs at 6 AM, I begrudgingly began talking to myself about how nonstop my life is and began leaving the present moment, thinking about the future "nonstop" things I had to tend to, as well, as the day continued.

Since I know better, and because I knew if I allowed myself to go down this slippery slope, it would not be long before I awoke the Vampires, too, totally not wanting to do that, as the bus came and things slowed a bit, I was able to rein in my mind and tame him just a bit.

Time check: 910 AM.  Things have quieted. The baby is napping. My toddler is resting on the couch.  We are eating Carrot Cake together. Of course the orange icing got all over my pants (which are overdue to be changed, anyway, and myself showered).  The difference? In this moment, I am shaking my head and laughing about it. 

You don't have to be a parent to relate to this type of day. Anyone can relate to things spiraling out of control, and all the moving parts that add to the flavor of the poisonous pot!

We have to be so careful of our language, our usage of it and our beliefs about our thoughts.  We attract what we focus on whether its wanted or not. The little voice warned me to check myself this morning. But I decided to dance with my demons instead.  And the result was a whole lot of crazy shit to reinforce my belief that life is hectic and nonstop. 

Just now, the dogs saw my landlord, again.  This morning they ran quite a few loops up and down the deck and throughout the yard before I got them in the house.  Just now, in a better frame of mind, I whistled. They came up onto the deck. I pointed in the house, and they went in.  So smooth.  So different than how it went when my mindframe was in an uhealthy and negative place.  

So, how was I able to stop the cycle and momentum before it became like Alexander's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day? I thought about how blessed I am.  "Blessed? During that crazy morning of nonstop, chaos?"  Yes. Blessed.

I asked myself, "What would I be without...(fill in the blank)?"

What would I be without my kids that drive me crazy and make messes and whine and cry a lot and keep me so busy I don't have time to shower regularly or sleep? I would be clean, for sure. And also very empty.  My life would be quiet. Which I enjoy. But, I enjoy the "nonstop" loud chaos more because it represents to me a full house of love. So much love. And being alive. So very much alive. My house is full of life and love at all times.

You don't have to be a parent to relate. Ask yourself, what would you be without your pesky employer? Maybe homeless, or not able to buy your fancy shoes you just wore out last weekend.  That's right, honey, you won't be going out anymore either without a job.  Unless your parents are giving you money.  In which case, if they annoy you, what would you be without them? Certainly without a load of love and that money they're giving you to live your life and buy fancy shoes and the money to go out with so you can wear them! 

What would you be without your nuisances? I bet you can find a way to feel grateful for them instead.  For how they enhance your life and the privileges they bestow upon you.

Sure, an alarm clock at 6 AM is super annoying. But without the gift of time, what would you be? Who would you be? Where would you be without an alarm clock? What if you didn't have a room to put an alarm clock in? What if you had nowhere to go and no one to see? 

You are very blessed. As am I.

The crazy days are an indicator to check our thoughts and our beliefs about them.  To shift our perception onto what we want, not what we don't want. The immediate results are astounding. Imagine what the longterm benefits are.... <<<dreaming of them...mmmm>>>.

What we consider to be annoying or aggravating is simply our life expressing contrast. It means nothing until we believe it means something. In which case, we determine how our day is going to play out (or week, or month, or year or life). 

Time check: 10 AM.  And all is well.  Blessed be. 

TGIF, friends.

JK - 4/19

Regularly scheduled maintenance.

I own a car, and cars must be taken care of.  They need love and attention.  Sure, you can drive a car and do nothing for it, and one day when you need it most the car will "suddenly" start making weird noises or shuddering and blumbering.

Sitting on the side of the road with your head in your hands, you say to yourself, "Next time I'll be better at taking care of things I own."

Just like you said the last time something bad happened.


When my car starts making a strange noise, I have two choices: It's just a noise and there is nothing to worry about, or something may be wrong and I should have a closer look, just to make sure.  If you are anything like me you don't want to take your car in for service every time you hear a noise or feel a rumble or wobble, but if we had the means; the time and the money, wouldn't we always have our cars maintained, no matter what?

OF COURSE we would, and it's the same thing with our bodies.

We have bodies, and those bodies need maintenance.  They need rest, good clean foods, lots of water and perhaps the most overlooked detail is a regular affirmative dialogue.  Without these things, it's easy to perpetuate the habit of overlooking something we want to believe is small and insignificant until it grows into an out-of-control problem.

We often feel physical discomforts in the form of little pains or subtle sensations, signaling something is out of alignment, or not quite right.  Usually, the feeling is just tension or tightness from holding ourselves in poor posture or sitting too long in a bad chair; staring down at the phone or computer, standing too long in shoes with poor support, etc.

Like vehicle maintenance, we have a choice with our bodies:

Do I just keep going and ignore the sensation, or can I take a few moments and look deeper to examine the nature of the sensation?  

Unlike vehicle maintenance, we don't need to take our body to a doctor (the human dealership) every time we feel discomfort.  Most of the aches and pains we feel can be confronted and better understood by following a few simple steps:

1.  What do you feel and where?
2.  How long have you been feeling what you feel?  A minute, a day, a week?
3.  What do you notice activates the feeling or sensation you are experiencing?  What softens or alleviates the sensation, if it can be softened?

This last step is probably the most important, and can take a bit more time and focused effort:

4.  Close your eyes, take a couple deep breaths and look inward (meaning connect with your muscles, bones, your nerves and your emotions).  Then ask yourself, what is the root cause or core issue?  Look plainly and without judgement for the choices you have made that got you to feeling the way you do.

This can be an emotionally painful process.  It's never fun to admit when you are wrong about something or could have made a better choice, but thankfully the simple realization of this can point you in the direction of a different choice you can make.

If your back hurts every time you stand up from your favorite old chair, maybe it's time for a chair upgrade.  If your stomach hurts every time you eat tomatoes, perhaps lessen the amount of pasta sauce and pizza you are eating.

With people, this is a bit more challenging.  You may discover the pain in your chest occurs every time you are around a certain person, or every time you think of a particular situation going on in your life.  In that case, you must be extra gentle and super sensitive to every nuance of the dynamic.  The checklist still applies to your emotions, and often times creating a journal or a running tab of what you notice and when/why, can really help put things in perspective over time.

No matter what you feel, physically or emotionally, the solution or insight you seek may take a while to discover - and that's okay.  It's totally normal not to have an answer for how you feel.  Things like that take time and patience and compassion, so don't add the stress of "needing an answer" onto your discomfort.  Take your time, move slow and continue your inward journey until the answer you feel is most true appears in your awareness.

This way, you move and act from a place of certainty and stability rather than rushing to simply cover or escape what you do not understand.  This is where the regular affirmative dialogue comes into play.

Tell yourself often that you DO deserve love and attention, at least from yourself even if you don't always feel it from others.  You ARE worthy of regularly scheduled physical and emotional maintenance.  Take a hot bath, grab your mat and go to yoga or go for a long walk with your dog or partner on the beach.  Do something great for yourself every day and allow yourself to feel good about it.  Say thank you for the things you have and stop dwelling on the things you lack.  Tell yourself that you matter, and you are here for a reason.

Focus on your strengths and the attributes you have worked hard to embody and achieve.  The elements of an affirmative dialogue are asking questions that are easy to say "Yes" to, and help yourself feel bigger, stronger and worth the attention your body and mind are asking for.

Hopefully this blog reaches you in exactly the right time, and encourages you to take action and look deeper.  Let us know if you have any questions.  We are here to help and nothing is too small.

Thank you VW dealership.  Thank you Body.  Thank you Consciousness.  Thank you Internet!!!  :-)