Monday, July 11, 2016

JK - 7/11/16

Uncovering Reality.

Deception is enormous, and yet, compared to the eternal Truth, even the greatest of lies cannot outlast what Truly is real.

I've discovered many interesting sources of information lately.  I've watched and studied many different videos on youtube, from vastly different genres of humanity - though they all share a basic link in my own chain, tying me to a search for Truth and understanding.  I capitalize Truth because I am not seeking the truth of my own unique, experiential human perspective.

Knowing I AM, means I understand and acknowledge my humanity; my capacity for choice and my resulting affection for error and miscalculation.  My truth is not The Truth.  It is simply a chain of events, causes and effects which got this body to this moment while the mind got organized and really, Truly, came to it's senses.  And continues to do so.

There has been a trend in my life.  Perhaps here it makes sense to look at my experiences and memories less like a chain and more like a rope or muscle; something flexible and made of many smaller threads or strands.  This trend would be a spire or loop inside one of those threads.  It's about money and ownership.  Wanting, needing and having.  "Making more money" holds very little appeal to me, and yet I desire it because I wish to elevate my quality of life.

"Why must your quality of life depend upon having more money?", I ask myself.

"Because society is based upon money." I say.

"So what if I choose to leave society?"  I ask again, this time going one step deeper.

"You may die a painful death, helpless and alone in the wilderness."  I respond.  Then, I think a moment.

Would I rather die helpless and alone in the wilderness, ORRRRRR!!!!!!

In the upstairs bedroom of my parents house after a day of yoga, coffee, fixing the lights on my car, playing music, studying humanity and the keys to all infinite existence locked inside the human body waiting to be set free, facebooking, instagramming, drawing, teaching music, driving a car, and journaling on the internet in public to proclaim it all????

At this point, it would be the latter choice made presently as a more recurring reality than the former.  And yet, I dream of leaving society and dying the noble death in a daring and faithful effort to conquer the wildness IN me, by entering and facing the wildness which seemingly surrounds me.  And if I can conquer my own mind to believe only in the Truth and nothing else, how can I be programmed or conditioned to die at all?

"Yes!!  Why does it have to be a life or death situation, this choice you seek to make?  Can you not survive the wilderness and return a hero?"  Feels like classic Josh ego tripping.  I'm important, I'm gonna be successful.  I'm gonna make it.  

MAKE it??  What is it?  Is making it defined as NOT DYING???  Because that's what seems most appealing.  The tables turn again here.

"If all things have an opposite, and this is a Truth, then life needs death and IS death.  So, according to this Truth, if you are alive you are also dead.  That which you fear the most has already happens and continues happening every second you are also simultaneously alive."

"If I am alive AND dead, then perhaps these words are not properly describing what is happening!!!"

"Meaning...what?"

Meaning the words 'life' and 'death' might not be the actual words to describe those things...THESE things, which I have been taught to call "life and death".  They are sounds I learned as a child that are not actually able to encompass the nature or structure of reality as I now percieve it.  My reality is VASTLY larger than merely life and death.  I started hearing my feelings and senses inside, and sensing the feelings and thoughts of others as vibrations and frequencies inside me as well, rather than the actual words themselves.  So "death" is not that word, it is a vibrational state of being some have described experiencing in many different forms...JUST LIKE LIFE!!!  #opposites

What's the point, what's the point...WHAT IS THE POINT!?

What I have been conditioned to accept may not be a clear representation of The Truth of life and death/reality/consciousness...whatever.  I did a vow of silence for 27 days several years ago, and what I learned is that talking is a major waste of what we call time.  In fact, when speech is removed, explanation is somehow removed as well.  In effect, obligation and intimidation subside also.  A lot of people tried to make me talk, and failed.  When I remained silent, the things they said to me under the assumption that I "had to listen" because I "couldn't" talk (so stupid some people were!!), the things THEY said were sometimes shockingly emotional and real.  So my silence drew out a consciousness in others that was un-manifested just a few moments before.  Pretty cool, huh?

AND!

"Be conscious with your word." is the first agreement from D. M. R..  If I choose words which create a vibrational distortion in my psychic body/energy body, it means I am using my intellect to harm my own body with unconsciously poor frequencies, when instead, I could be bombarding myself with sonic beauty, bliss and the sound of love.  A wordless sound vibrating within me, a booming voice.  The more attention I give it, the louder it gets.

It shouts at me..."GO, you fool!!!  Leave society!!  These things, they aren't even people anymore.  All they believe is what they can own or speak about.  If history be at all true, and at this point I am willing to concede to perhaps NONE of it may be true but IF it is, than history claims to take all manner and form of reckless and unconscious civilization like this one you are in now and reduces it to ashes with war and disease and decay from within.  But YOU are not decaying, you are blossoming!!  You are seeking and actually finding reality."

And when I say reality, I mean the reality that is real on THEIR level too!  The reality of magnetism, electricity and math and science.  These things are usually restricted to "left brained people", which I feel are people who have not learned about the difference between truth and Truth, so they suffer in a distorted version of their own reality.  I feel the True reality, and am aching to somehow merge with it, more so than I already have by nature.  This is my "right brained" artistic, creative side.  (Every person is creative if they have reproductive organs or a pumping heart, because both are symbols of self-guided generative energy, which is creation.)  My imagination feels there is somehow "more to it".  And there is!!!  But there also isn't.

The point.  What is the point?  "Can you keep it simple??"  :-)

The point is, it is not easy to see past all my own fear and conditioning and follow the booming voice within.  Times like this, I do go back and forth a lot because I weigh many factors into the decision to abandon my life as I know it and go totally off the beaten path.  Family, friends, creature comforts.  Like, I fear being dirty out walking the world alone but why wouldn't I ever get to shower again, and have to end up like some long-nailed, stale-chips-in-my-beard, wandering hippie nomad that dies impoverished, isolated and alone; totally disconnected from my family and friends??

That's only one, very detailed and dark possible outcome.  What if, on the other hand, I find a fuller life and True freedom??  The safety of being free of wondering what it would be like, and making it to that moment when I know I have maybe one or two moments left to drink this reality in, from this body, in this way, and know I have done everything there is to do in this life; all that I was called to and inspired to endure.  Then, what is life if not the embrace of the unknown, or faith?  Why live at all, if not to die living the life that means the most?  What could weigh on a heart so bold and fierce as to leave it all behind in that last moment and go in peace; to want for nothing because all there is and ever was or will be, is safety, Truth and love.

Then, no words are necessary because nothing can describe a feeling of peace.  Nothing can describe satisfaction.  It is a fullness beyond description, and yet a person who knows pure fullness can be perceived as different by those around them.  That person seems to be somehow more content than others; not trying at all; authentic.  They have become naturally magnetic, because they are not concerned with anything less than beauty.  They live a life so meaningful, so blessed and bound to the eternal presence of Truth that it has forgotten any feeling or vocabulary of fear and desire.

Is this a fantasy or an illusion?  Is it real or impossible?  What are the chances hollywood has wrecked my brain and the men in black are watching and waiting to pounce me for even studying all this esoteric mumbo jumbo?  (Again, ego mind telling me I'm so important or noticeable that I should be watched by a secret organization.)

But that's for a different blog post all together.  Wow!!  That all tumbled out of me, and I can't quite tell if I stayed on track because these feelings and realizations happen on so many levels energetically nowadays that it proves my point about the words not doing them any kind of justice.  It's a testament to great teachers who can take complex ideas and explain them simply and gracefully.  One day I may be a great teacher...for now though, I'm still workin' on it my studentship.

- J


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