Friday, April 22, 2016

CL - 4/22/16 "What would I be without...?"

I am so very aware of the consequences of the culmination of energy and thought. And how the more powerful the emotion and thought and belief is, and therefore the energy going towards something, the more you invite in what you're expressing. 

As I am sure any parent can relate to, I was having "one of those" mornings. And I'm quite certain I created it by allowing my emotions and thoughts to slip away with my sleep. 

I "woke up," (this is in quotes because I wake up about 100x a night and this week or two in particular the babies seem to be going backwards and sleeping less) exhausted and overwhelmed, trying to get the two babies back to sleep. Unsuccessful, I took my toddler downstairs, followed by my first grader. Time check: 6 AM. I had this feeling like I better change my tune swiftly but I just couldn't do it. I hung my head low, falling into my exhaustion. And it began. 

"Mommy...." "I need this," and "I need that." "Help" with this. And that. Make breakfast. Nurse the baby. Clean up toys. Switch laundry. Dress up for school (of course it's a special occasion dress up day!). Find coordinating costume accessories in the playroom. Oops. That one broke. Find another. Pack lunch and snack. There was not a pause or silence for more than half a minute before the next child wanted something else. "Mommmmmmmy."

(Parents: You've been there, no? Countless times?) 

Feeling very much like a slave, I continued to slip into defeat. The next two and a half hours before the bus came were filled with chaos and more overwhelm: My landlord came out just ten seconds before I got the dogs in and so I had to wrangle two 80-pound-plus barking dogs into the house. They scared the baby who began screaming. Then I noticed she shit her diaper and it leaked all the way up to her neck. Yes. Her neck! I'm trying to clean her, the toddler is calling me and fighting with my first grader who is now asking for help finding costume accessories as she's dumping all the bins in the playroom on the floor and leaving a huge mess. I manage to sneak away for just long enough to pee and of course, I get my period!  

And so it went on this way, "nonstop" and crazy until this moment.  Time check: 9 AM. I did more than struggle to wrangle the dogs this morning. I battled it out with my thoughts, too. And more importantly, my beliefs about those things and the feelings it invoked. If you noticed, "nonstop" was in quotation marks.  When I came downstairs at 6 AM, I begrudgingly began talking to myself about how nonstop my life is and began leaving the present moment, thinking about the future "nonstop" things I had to tend to, as well, as the day continued.

Since I know better, and because I knew if I allowed myself to go down this slippery slope, it would not be long before I awoke the Vampires, too, totally not wanting to do that, as the bus came and things slowed a bit, I was able to rein in my mind and tame him just a bit.

Time check: 910 AM.  Things have quieted. The baby is napping. My toddler is resting on the couch.  We are eating Carrot Cake together. Of course the orange icing got all over my pants (which are overdue to be changed, anyway, and myself showered).  The difference? In this moment, I am shaking my head and laughing about it. 

You don't have to be a parent to relate to this type of day. Anyone can relate to things spiraling out of control, and all the moving parts that add to the flavor of the poisonous pot!

We have to be so careful of our language, our usage of it and our beliefs about our thoughts.  We attract what we focus on whether its wanted or not. The little voice warned me to check myself this morning. But I decided to dance with my demons instead.  And the result was a whole lot of crazy shit to reinforce my belief that life is hectic and nonstop. 

Just now, the dogs saw my landlord, again.  This morning they ran quite a few loops up and down the deck and throughout the yard before I got them in the house.  Just now, in a better frame of mind, I whistled. They came up onto the deck. I pointed in the house, and they went in.  So smooth.  So different than how it went when my mindframe was in an uhealthy and negative place.  

So, how was I able to stop the cycle and momentum before it became like Alexander's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day? I thought about how blessed I am.  "Blessed? During that crazy morning of nonstop, chaos?"  Yes. Blessed.

I asked myself, "What would I be without...(fill in the blank)?"

What would I be without my kids that drive me crazy and make messes and whine and cry a lot and keep me so busy I don't have time to shower regularly or sleep? I would be clean, for sure. And also very empty.  My life would be quiet. Which I enjoy. But, I enjoy the "nonstop" loud chaos more because it represents to me a full house of love. So much love. And being alive. So very much alive. My house is full of life and love at all times.

You don't have to be a parent to relate. Ask yourself, what would you be without your pesky employer? Maybe homeless, or not able to buy your fancy shoes you just wore out last weekend.  That's right, honey, you won't be going out anymore either without a job.  Unless your parents are giving you money.  In which case, if they annoy you, what would you be without them? Certainly without a load of love and that money they're giving you to live your life and buy fancy shoes and the money to go out with so you can wear them! 

What would you be without your nuisances? I bet you can find a way to feel grateful for them instead.  For how they enhance your life and the privileges they bestow upon you.

Sure, an alarm clock at 6 AM is super annoying. But without the gift of time, what would you be? Who would you be? Where would you be without an alarm clock? What if you didn't have a room to put an alarm clock in? What if you had nowhere to go and no one to see? 

You are very blessed. As am I.

The crazy days are an indicator to check our thoughts and our beliefs about them.  To shift our perception onto what we want, not what we don't want. The immediate results are astounding. Imagine what the longterm benefits are.... <<<dreaming of them...mmmm>>>.

What we consider to be annoying or aggravating is simply our life expressing contrast. It means nothing until we believe it means something. In which case, we determine how our day is going to play out (or week, or month, or year or life). 

Time check: 10 AM.  And all is well.  Blessed be. 

TGIF, friends.


  1. Camille, you have such a gift for writing. So true how chaotic our worlds are. Very important to focus on the here and now and to appreciate all we have. :)

    1. <3 Thanks Caroline. Hope all is well xo Appreciate you taking the time to read, comment etc.