Saturday, April 9, 2016
JK - 4/9/16
Here I am. Here we are.
It feels different, knowing you can see me now. See US now. It may take some getting used to, but here anyways, that's my problem not yours.
And it's not even a problem!
What is it?
Something I notice.
Where we begin...
Camille and I decide to create a secret online journal. We both have access at anytime, and we can write about anything and everything. No boundaries, no censorship, no rules except freedom.
Be free to be ourselves, no exceptions. We called it 'Project Freedom'.
[I stole the name from this guy Drew who I used to be in a band with (back in the day) called 'Edipus'. In retrospect, a horrid name.]
This is the next step in that process. Two people who trust each other entirely, yet are not romantically involved, or even in physical contact because we live far from one another and have radically different schedules...except in text!! LOL ...are taking their dialogue about freedom and their search for total spiritual ascension and self mastery through the use of real, raw, honest and pure conversation, to a public space.
With ourselves and with each other, and in idealogy (i just made that word up), everyone else we know.
Some people I know can and do engage in the dialogue process of ascension, while others feel content to dwell in the illusory impermanent state of personality and conditioning and avoid or dismiss the conversation. Like my mom. Sometimes I wish she would leave more room to be affected by things.
But that's my ego, not her Self. Everything I project on someone else is only what I can recognize and despise or embrace in myself. It's so difficult, and this is a strange paradox, to take anything personally others say when I know anything I would say or feel about them is really only about me. Think about it...
Wow - I'm talking to the world, like an old time radio dj. Or a newspaper column writer. I didn't grow up in a time where reading the paper was the funnest option on Saturday morning, so I never really did it. Going to synagogue wasn't the funnest option either, so I didn't do that much either.
I needed something as I got older, to fill the gap of not feeling connected to a higher purpose. And not even that really...I FELT CONNECTED to something higher, something greater than myself, for so long. I think the moment I picked up drumsticks I knew I was connected. The moment I SAW drumsticks, I was connected...in my mind! Yoga, meditation, poetry, music and music and more music and more meditation and travel, combined with leaving the place I grew up to live three thousand miles away, for nearly 8 years, brought me to an understanding:
I must be honest about my life. Maybe not with the whole world, but at least with myself. If I engage in relationships of ANY kind, I must be honest within those parameters so the person I am relating to has a fair chance at
1) learning how honest communication feels, if they haven't already,
2) making a more authentic judgement of our evolving circumstances so they can respond to what is real, not what they are left to question, doubt or assume.
How can someone know how to treat me if the do not really know me? And why can someone, anyone, not know me?
If I choose for them not to see parts of me I deem unsafe, unlovable, unacceptable, and then conceal in some way from others by not being fully honest. But I stopped doing that with Camille. She has seen everything. More than even my own family and closest friends, and because I have been seen by one, fully, I feel loved. Because I feel loved, I feel safe. Because I feel safe, I take risks knowing that it will all be alright. It's all love. Masculine and feminine are part of the same circuit that sends and receives information from The Source and we must channel both properly in order to transmit the clearest, purest, most honest representation of our unique and divine signal. SO COOL, RIGHT!!??
Right now, I think that is where we are at. It's the best we can do. We can't end war, we can't create food/water/shelter for every human on the planet just yet...but we can be honest with ourselves and AT LEAST one other person.
We can choose to tell the truth about what we feel, in the moment. To feel anger, as a man or a woman, is normal. To emote anger physically onto one's self or another is traumatic and harmful. Especially when the anger is only the symptom of the deeper need we all have, which is openness and freedom. The same goes for the entire spectrum of what are called 'negative emotions'. The whole lack, or what we call lack (which was, ironically, the theme of our first year of PF) of acceptance for the feminine in modern culture is a mirror of our forgetting to know the true nature of the negative.
It is CONNECTED to positive at the opposite end of a spectrum called Oneness. ONE spectrum, ONE connection between two points. It is the space, the link, the connective tissue that moves information through the energoskeleton of our Self. [I just made that word up too. Fuck it.]
NOTE TO SELF: Swear less and talk softer.
It all comes back to freedom. To what is truly there.
That's a short glimpse at why I am here. How WE are here. The point (if you have gotten this far) is to share shorter blurbs and blips of our thoughts on ascension and relationship to self and other, as well as conversation excerpts, ideas we pick up from the collective consciousness (if you wanna call it anything besides The Oneness of humanity)...
Wow. Rambling? LOL
Anyways, stay tuned. If you have questions, ask. I'm here to connect. We are here to connect.